I read my first “love letter” while it rained – each falling raindrop turning my feelings into luminous pearls that glowed all day long and shimmered in the night. My fingers traced the spidery, untidy writing that read, “Thoughts of you light up my room at night, so bright that it feels like daylight and I cannot sleep in its brightness. And your eyes keep me awake……”
The sweetness of these words and this memory still remains. And my memories of love waft with the scent of falling raindrops.
Each raindrop, like a luminous pearl, set my skin on fire and lay at the heart of the tumultuous ocean of emotions that tossed me around with a passion that I can barely make sense of today. Those years seem so long ago, like relics of a glorious past that fade from one’ s memory unless something significant – an event, a development or an emotion – triggers the narrative again.
With every passing year, I navigate through upheavals that turn into visible changes in the way I perceive life and relationships. But every time it rains, it is as though I become someone else – the roots of who I am and how I think and feel pull me back into the womb of this earth, where I placed my first baby steps, only to fall several times before I could finally grasp at a balance of movement that helped me find my place in this world.
Nothing is the same any more. But rains keep my heart beating faster, like a galloping horse.
Our past is a mystery and a distant memory, filled with the hues of emotions we perceive it with. You cannot tread the same pathways again as the same person you once were…but rain, as a powerful medium, can transport you to those exact feelings and experiences that shaped you.
Sometimes those memories can become the hidden wounds in your soul and the softest whisper in your heartbeat.
And unlike these fleeting experiences that mark our life – of bitter sweet love, separation and loss – rains always visit us again, without fail, giving us more than second chances to find our poise to hope and to love again.
It is said that only poets and lunatics look back to search for new meanings and a green oasis where there is none. And yet somewhere within my heart, every rain takes me back into that inner journey once again.
And these rains bring me as always to a burning question that I have not found the answer to – Dear God, how do I find the girl I once was?
– Swapna Raghu Sanand
Born in India, grew up across the globe from Iran to Africa, Swapna Raghu Sanand is a devout Hindu and a follower of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba.She is the author of Tryst with Divinity, Pearl of Divinity & Blossoms (An Anthology of Poems). Her writings are based on her personal spiritual experiences. Currently, Swapna is writing her next book and can be contacted at and on her Twitter handle @Svara
This is the link to her blog – Petals! – http://petalsfromtheheart.blogspot.in/
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